Introduction:
From childhood adversities to personal reflections, explore the profound influence memories wield in shaping our lives. Join the conversation, share your empowering stories, and uncover the resilience that emerges from overcoming the stains of negative memories. Welcome to a narrative where memories pave the way for a positive and inspiring present.
Will: “Viola who are you?
Viola: “What does that mean? I know who I am.”
Will: “No but who are you?” Look, I’m always going to be that fifteen-year-old boy whose
girlfriend broke up with him. That’s always going to be me. So, who are you?”
Viola: I’m the little girl who would run after school every day in third grade because these boys hated me because I was… not pretty. Because I was… Black.”
“Memories are immortal. They’re deathless and precise. They have the power of giving you joy and perspective in hard times. Or they can strangle you. Define you in a way that’s based more in other people’s tucked-up perceptions than truths”
-Viola Davis, Finding Me (7)
Viola Davis was chased by nine boys every day after school. She was terrified and felt powerless. The group of boys consisted of 8 white boys and 1 Black Portuguese boy. The Portuguese denied his blackness making his transgressions worse in Viola’s mind. This went on until her mother gave her some tools, both literally and figuratively. Viola’s mom demanded that she speak up for herself, and demand that those boys leave her alone. And if that didn’t work, she was told to fight.
After recounting this time in her life Davis is able to surmise the power of memories, and how they have shaped her life. Memories provide us with perspective and a foundation on which we can make decisions from. But they also can be misleading and dismantling.
Reflection
When I reflect on my past and those memories that define who I have become, one of many stories comes to mind. When I was a little girl, perhaps in the 5th grade or so. My sister and I were invited to a birthday party by some girls we considered to be friends. Most of these girls we grew up with, in the school setting mostly. We attended each other’s birthday parties for quite some time. This time it was different though. It was like suddenly our friends had become unkind strangers. I felt shunned. You know that feeling like everyone in the room is in on an inside joke except you. Yea that was me, uncomfortable.
However, we continued the day, and I tried to have fun. Until the birthday girl took us up to her parent’s room. When we reached the top of the stairs and walked into the room, we were led to the side of the bed. There were several duffle bags and sleeping bags on the floor. With a smug look on her face the birthday girl let us know that all the other girls were invited to sleep over after the party. This is one of the first times I ever felt rejected.
Outcomes of Thoughtful Memory Reflection
Much like the memory of the boys chasing Viola, this moment in my life has become part of who I am. I am overly cautious of who I let in my life, always evaluating and revaluating words, as well as behaviors, and generally mistrusting of people. The young girls in my story were likely naïve of the impact that their choices would have on two little black girls. It was isolating.
As the story goes on Viola, uncovers the tools that would help her overcome the pain of the past. She had to learn to speak positively about herself, and to seek out those people that affirmed the somebody, she wanted to be. I too am on a similar journey.
I would love to hear about a memory that has shaped you. If it is not positive, how are you overcoming the stain of that memory?
Comment below.
4 responses to “Finding Me by Viola Davis”
I can relate to Viola in regards to being overly cautious with whom I let in my life. As I reflect, I am able to uncover specific events that have contributed to this. I recall feeling uncomfortable in spaces I earned to be in, junior national honor society, science Olympiad, and AP courses. People just were not kind with their micro aggressions.
Moreover, I feel that the lost of your mother at such a young age, leaves you with a since of not belonging.
My life experiences have made me very protective of my children. I love them so much and I don’t trust people to affirm who they are. They are everything, a king and two queens! They also are children, they don’t always listen and they are not always right. They may touch your expensive things or eat too many snacks but they are mine. They are children of the king and they don’t deserve to be treated as anything less.
During a recent interview, I was reminded by the interviewer that things people say or even try to attach to me, do not define me.
I love that the interviewer affirmed who you are, sometimes all it takes is the kindness of a stranger.
Giving our children the tools to navigate this world is important, and sometimes that just mean unpacking their feelings and experiences.
Viola talks about not having the tools she needed to deal with the sexual abuse, and racism she faced. But as she grew she found the tools she needed.
Thanks for the comment
Tea
I have a very distinct memory that’ll forever be etched in my mind. I don’t speak of it often but when I do, those feelings of dislike comes back. Now, I know everyone is different but then there are those who come into your life and remember WHY you don’t really associate yourself with certain kinds of ppl. I worked at a fancy salon in NYC that was considered luxury x 1000. One day I came into the salon with Senegalese twist that were very elegant and stopped mid back. The GM who micromanaged from home watching the employees on camera from home (which I found out much later in my employment there) saw me come in with my new hairstyle. From the distant chatter it was said that she was freaking out! And told the manager (who was black) to speak to me about my choice of hair. To me, it’s apart of me. My culture. I saw absolutely nothing wrong with my hair. As it is “normal” however, she didn’t think so and wanted me to take them out. That moment has changed my perspective of the beauty industry and people in general. It was my first time feeling a sense of rejection. From that moment, my hair – I did not and do not care what opinions people have of my 1 thing on my self I can change. It is what is.
It is sad that so many of us have these stories where we feel dismissed and unseen. I am glad that you chose to use that moment to hold tighter to your identity and your freedom to express that through your hair. It is powerful when you do not allow peoples ideas of you define you.
Tea